


the ways we play god

by hanzo shimada (ubercharge)



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Blackwatch, Blood, Canon-Typical Violence, Gen, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pre-Fall of Overwatch, Rating will change
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-11
Updated: 2017-12-11
Packaged: 2019-02-13 09:43:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 14,103
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12981381
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ubercharge/pseuds/hanzo%20shimada
Summary: After his fight with Hanzo leaves him on the brink of death, Genji's life is saved and he becomes a part of Blackwatch, the covert operations division of Overwatch. As he struggles to come to terms with his new cyborg body, Genji is forced to confront his demons and ask himself who he is now.





	1. reverie

**Author's Note:**

> A gift. Approximately 99% timeline-compliant and 80% lore-compliant until the next comic or short update. //

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as usual, non-english words are in [square brackets] //

The doctor smiled when she offered her hand to Genji. She had shimmering gold wings attached to her suit. Her teeth were perfectly white, straight, and neat. Flawless to the point of looking artificial.

Genji could feel the life draining out of his body along with the blood. His vision blurred when he looked down at the wooden floor. He’d never seen so much of his own blood before. Everything hurt and his wounds sang with pain.

“Let’s make a deal,” the doctor said.

Genji lay there crumpled and bloody. He wondered if they’d ever get the stains out of the wood. They’d have to, wouldn’t they? All this red was unsightly. The doctor was making him a deal. Genji listened carefully. His entire being ached inside and out.

Less than an hour ago, he’d been accosted by his older brother. He wasn’t ready for what came next, but he wasn’t surprised. He supposed the clan thought he deserved it. This entire affair was by their will, of course.

Hanzo had struck Genji’s sword so hard that his blade chipped. Genji had managed to defend himself until Hanzo had summoned the dragons. Genji had been tired of fighting, distraught and hurt that Hanzo would raise his blade to attack in the first place. Letting the dragons tear through him was the worst pain he’d ever experienced in his life. He’d been able to control them before, but by that point, he’d given up. Running wouldn’t have saved him; the Clan would’ve hunted him down. Hanzo would’ve hunted him down. And then, the dragons again...

He’d screamed and collapsed and Hanzo was shouting something, he sounded frantic and angry and sad and - everything went black.

Genji thought he’d died.

He thought it would’ve been better if he’d died.

The doctor made him a deal. In her hands, a bargain she wielded like a weapon, was life. His life, waning with every crimson stream out his wounds.

Genji was painfully aware that while he wasn’t dead yet, he was in the process of dying. Because of the doctor’s healing staff, his life was in limbo now, his fate hers and hers alone to decide. Nobody was coming to help him. He was alone.

Hanzo had left him to die. He blinked hard to clear the sting from his eyes. Blinking hurt to do.

If he was capable of serious rational thought, he might’ve declined the doctor’s offer and possibly requested a mercy killing. But he was all too human and when it came down to it, even Genji Shimada feared death. No, more than that - he feared dying _alone_. Especially with this angel looking over him, perfect smile too sharp to be reassuring. Her presence was not company.

Somewhere in the back of his mind, a prickle of fear whispered warning. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he remembered the feeling of Hanzo lifting his limp body and saying something, words that he couldn’t catch earlier while his head was spinning with pain.

But then Hanzo was gone and Genji was bleeding out, not expecting to be saved. His body ached, his heart ached, and his thoughts were a spiralling mess.

With the last of his strength, he lifted his hand, and the doctor clasped it in her own, giving it a small shake, handling him like delicate fine china. Her gloved hand was cool. A pact bound under the curtain of night.

Genji was faintly aware of being moved, but the pain dulled as he started to slip out of consciousness. Far above, the moon glowed and the stars twinkled hello.

The doctor grinned and Genji passed out.

 

Reconstruction was a fever dream. Had Genji full control of his body, and a full body at that, he would’ve winced in pain.

A fever nightmare.

He drifted in and out of consciousness, which struck him as cruel when he had the time and energy to dwell on his current state of being. His eyes were closed and his world was cloaked with black. He wasn’t sure how long it had been since he’d clashed with Hanzo. The minutes and hours and days passed like melting snow. Slower under the cold than in the heat. He wasn’t sure where he was, but he felt like he was floating in the air. He was always cold. Occasionally, he heard distant voices that blended into his shadowed dreams.

There were days he slept for a very, very long time.

The aimless drifting seemed endless, but all of a sudden it was replaced with breathless struggles as his body rejected the cybernetics. He choked, but it wasn’t on air. Once, he opened his eyes and it burned the entire time as he inhaled the liquid he was suspended in. His chest heaved and his heart thrashed, a caged thing. He was in a room with a tiled floor, a paper-laden desk not too far from him, and he saw nothing else before blacking out again. Drugs to knock him out. Automatically dispensed.

He did his best to keep his eyes shut after that. It seemed to be the smarter idea.

The days, or weeks, or months of pain passed, though they had seemed eternal as the drifting. He could feel even with muted senses that his body had changed greatly. He felt very different from before. He was still cold. Not enough to shiver, but enough that it bothered him when he became aware of it. He was less sluggish and sometimes managed to twitch his fingers and toes, or press his eyelids closer together. There was something attached to his head, arms, and back. His arms and legs felt different. The voices grew a little clearer, a little closer.

He was very, very lonely.

“I think he’s ready to come out.”

A feminine voice, lightly accented and vaguely familiar. It sparked a flare of hostility within Genji, a feeling he almost couldn’t discern.

“What? Are you sure that’s a good idea? Just yesterday you said his body isn’t completely connected to his enhancements. Will he be okay?”

A masculine voice, not familiar.

“He’ll be fine, Captain Reyes. Besides-” a pause, and Genji could feel himself being moved by an external force. “-It’s rude to talk about someone who’s listening.”

The voices were cloudy but Genji could indeed make out the words well enough to parse them, even through his dishevelled mental state.

He was aware of being lifted, maybe by some kind of machinery, and set down on another surface. He could feel a chill all over as if he’d just dipped in and out of a pool of water, and now that he wasn’t breathing that awful liquid, he coughed and choked and gasped until air filled his lungs.

His body was wracked with tremors and he choked again, dry heaving and shivering. He inhaled shuddery breaths, tears stinging his eyes. He was surprised he could still cry after whatever he’d been subjected to over the past however long it had been. He felt awful and almost wished he was back in the liquid tank where all sensations and sounds had been dull. Now he could hear the hum of machinery around him and feel whatever he was sitting on. Against his eyelids, he felt harsh pricks of light. Everything was too sharp, too hard, too cold.

He opened his eyes.

“Hello, Genji.”

It was the doctor, no longer wearing her suit with the glowing gold wings, but recognizable with her blonde hair tied back and blue-grey eyes ringed with darkness. In an instant, Genji could read the sleepless nights she’d worked through. Standing beside her was a man in a dark hoodie and toque. Genji wanted to tell himself he knew the man on some level. From where, though? He couldn’t organize his thoughts when all he could think about was how loud and bright and cold and harsh his surroundings were, but he was sure he’d seen the man somewhere before.

His throat felt raw as if he’d been screaming nonstop, and he tried to swallow. The sensation was unpleasant and unfamiliar. He tasted metal. His mouth felt different. His teeth fit into his mouth differently, and parts of his head and neck were definitely not all flesh and bone anymore. Everything felt different.

“[What did you do to me?]” he asked in quiet Japanese.

Talking felt different, too. The hum of his words was coming from somewhere else now and his voice was robotic. His vision flashed red and all the feelings he’d been missing flooded into his body. He raised his hands. Moving was difficult, as if he’d tried to exercise for twelve hours straight. His limbs were trying to be responsive, but he couldn’t manage his old fluidity.

He glared at the doctor, his eyes boring into hers.

“ _WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME?!_ ” he yelled, the words tearing through him with a wave of pure rage.

He was leaning forward, but was also held back by something. There were cables attached to his body. Deep within him, a feeling that was more startling than his brand new surroundings, he felt his dragon stirring as if waking from a long slumber.

The doctor gave him a placid smile. The man beside her didn’t move or speak.

“Merely fulfilling my end of the deal we made, Genji.”

Genji was breathing heavily. Hearing his name made his thoughts tingle and he didn’t like being addressed by his first name. He had no weapons on him. He tried to form a fist, but his fingers wouldn’t cooperate. He inhaled deeply, still shivering, and slumped in his seat. His hand flopped to his side, useless, and he stared down at his lap. His legs were different, too. Everything ached and his chest hurt. Tears streamed down his cheeks.

“How long has it been?” he asked, his English not as good as his native tongue but still perfectly serviceable.

“A while,” the doctor replied, taking a few notes on her holographic noteboard. “How do you feel?”

Genji closed his eyes, wishing he was dead.

“Bad. Horrible,” he muttered.

The doctor chuckled and Genji was angry again. Was this funny to her? Maybe it was a nightmare. But no, it felt too real. Too clear. And there were no blue spirit dragons around, as far as he could tell. No swords. No blood. No Hanzo. He wanted to be home. He also didn’t.

“Apt, considering what you have been through. You survived your cyberization, though. You should be proud of yourself.”

Genji looked back up to see that the doctor seemed almost smug. Complacency was written all over her features and she looked proud even with the dark circles under her eyes.

“And you are still willing to take him, Captain Reyes?” the doctor asked, her gaze flitting away from her holo-notes to the man standing at her side with arms crossed.

Genji turned to him as he was scrutinized.

“Of course,” was all he said.

“Well, you know what he will be capable of. I trust that you’ll be able to put his skills to use when you can temper that rage.”

Captain Reyes looked at Genji and frowned. Genji met his gaze and snarled. A warning.

“Yeah,” Captain Reyes said before breaking eye contact.

“I don’t have to do anything for you. This isn’t an existence I wanted,” Genji said, clutching at the metal half of his chest.

“Tsk. You agreed, didn’t you, Genji?” Dr. Ziegler said, swiping her holo-notes to dismiss them. “Life for service, so to speak.”

Anger welled up inside of Genji again. His fingers twitched, wishing he had his sword in hand. But his dragon would come even without the offerings that the blade could reap.

The doctor’s eyes widened. She reacted before Genji did, flicking her wrist and summoning another holographic panel, a red one. She tapped a button that sent a harsh jolt of pain through Genji.

He gasped, feeling like he’d been stabbed, and he was very familiar with how that felt. He could almost hear the sound of Hanzo unsheathing his sword and it took all of his willpower not to curl up and cry, remembering the awful pain of the spirit dragons tearing him up from inside out, their synchronous roar shaking the walls and rending his mind to shreds.

He could feel the unyielding wood of the floor, hear the tapestry flutter after Hanzo cut it instead of Genji, could hear his blood, every single drop of his blood splattering down against every surface. His throat tightened, he wanted to choke out the same pleas he’d made that night, he wanted to know why this was the price he had to pay, how this was considered atonement, he wanted to beg for mercy, it was cold, it was so, so cold-

“Angela,” Captain Reyes said, looking extremely disturbed.

The doctor didn’t give him her attention. She had a closed-off expression and she must’ve seen the pleading in Genji’s eyes because she smiled, the battle won for the day. She gave the red holo-panel a onceover - Genji could see what he assumed was a heartrate monitor with numbers and graphs that must’ve corresponded to his other vitals - before closing it.

“Doctor Ziegler,” Captain Reyes sighed.

“Yes, Captain?”

“Please don’t use pain against him. He’s been through enough. His trauma...”

The doctor spoke so softly that Genji could barely hear. He was unsure he’d heard correctly, and he was deeply disturbed, horrified, and worried from what she’d said:

“You’ve only used pain as a weapon. You neglect to see how it can be used as a tool.”

Captain Reyes got that perturbed expression on his face again. Even if he was the higher ranking authority figure in the room, he clearly didn’t have the power or will to tell Dr. Ziegler otherwise. Genji mistook Reyes’ lack of action for possible cowardice, but he would later be proven wrong.

Genji was unresponsive for the rest of the visit. Dr. Ziegler had the machinery place him back into the tank. Apparently his final adjustments had yet to be complete. After another awful liquid-air adjustment period wracked with coughing, Genji shut his eyes and was almost grateful to sink back into fogginess.

“I doubt he’ll remember any of this,” Dr. Ziegler said before adding, “He doesn’t have to.”

“Look, don’t worry about that... just have his body functioning. He’s spent a lot of time in there and I seriously can’t see that being a good thing for anyone.”

“Of course, Captain Reyes.”

Genji felt a familiar, now welcomed surge of tiredness and passed out.


	2. submerge

“Good morning, Genji.”

Genji made the mistake of opening his eyes, which burned with the liquid in the tank. Less than it did the other time, so he kept his eyes open. Dr. Ziegler was standing in front of him, looking funny and warped through the polycarbonate.

“You still have some work ahead of you, but your cyberization has come along quite nicely. It’s all about the fine tuning now. You will be able to sleep in a bed again! Isn’t that lovely?” Dr. Ziegler asked, smiling as she pressed buttons on a panel.

Genji didn’t have the energy nor desire to respond.

“You must have so many questions.”

Genji was lifted out of the tank. He coughed violently. He did not want to spend any more time in there. He was already sick of the liquid-air breathing adjustment and didn't want to experience that again. It made his upper body sore to cough so much. He looked up to make eye contact with Dr. Ziegler so he could show his full disdain.

“If you’d like to take a look at yourself, here’s a mirror.”

Dr. Ziegler expanded a holographic panel so Genji could see what had changed with his body. He was immediately shocked, and moved a hand up to his chest. He noticed that movement was a bit easier than it had been yesterday, assuming Dr. Ziegler’s last visit with Reyes really had been yesterday; Genji still had no sense of time.

His pupils were red. That was new. Seeing felt different now that his eyes weren’t burning from the tank’s liquid, but he decided not to worry about that. He was more concerned at the sheer amount of  _ body _ he was missing. His left arm was as he remembered it, still flesh and bone, but his right arm was entirely a prosthetic.

Dr. Ziegler pursed her lips as Genji prodded the prosthetic.

“Unfortunately, we were unable to salvage your right arm.”

It was hard to tell exactly where it connected to his torso. At least it felt like an arm. Controlling it felt more or less like controlling his intact left arm, though there was a different weight to it.

“If you move your arm and wrist, then form a fist like this-” Dr. Ziegler said, making a motion with her arm. “-You can open the panel on your forearm.”

Genji did as she showed, though with clumsier movement, and the panel on his forearm opened. Mechanisms moved inside before the panel closed again.

“For your shuriken. Not loaded right now, of course.”

Genji didn’t say anything, already inspecting the rest of his body. It was odd, and he didn’t like it, but he could control all his limbs and he was still alive. He managed not to panic. A sudden realization. He reached for his back, only to be met with a mass of cables.

“I apologize that we had to cover your tattoo. It really was quite nice. You’ll be pleased to know that your legs are fine, simply augmented. Most of your injuries were to your upper half.”

Genji held his intact arm with his prosthetic. The hand was cold, an unfamiliar texture with some grip but nothing like skin. The dragons’ scars did not show on his skin, but thinking about their roars made his head turn to mush. He reached for his back again, not enjoying the foreign weight he felt.

“I don’t like this. Can you get rid of it?”

Dr. Ziegler shook her head.

“You’ll want to keep all of that intact and together. Your cybernetics are attached to you now.”

Genji’s arm was already growing tired but he felt around his back, not satisfied with just being able to see his front.

“You won’t die if the spinal cable is cut, but I recommend against damaging it. It would be unpleasant for you.”

“Have all these cables attached to my body does not strike me as helpful in a fight.”

“It won’t matter,” Dr. Ziegler said, peering at him with her serious gaze, making Genji feel yet again like her science experiment. “Nobody will be able to touch you.”

“What do you mean?”

Dr. Ziegler smiled as if she’d been waiting for Genji to ask that all along. He wished he’d kept his mouth shut, because now she was gearing up to monologue.

“Your reflexes will be dull for a while, but don’t worry too much about that now. You’ve been in recovery. I did not have my team perform your cyberization just to keep you alive. That would be a waste of resources.”

Genji decided to be generous just this one time and not take her words as an insult.

“You were already a man of impressive combat prowess. The goal here, besides keeping you alive, was to see how much we could enhance your abilities. And, of course, give you a few new ones.

“You’ll be faster than before, but you’ll also be quieter. You’ll have higher strength and stamina. You’ll be able to perform a dash, or swift strike, as it’s called on the notes. That’s exactly what it sounds like - a self-propelled quick dash forward. And this is something that sprang from a joke, but you should also be fast enough to deflect _bullets_.”

Genji squinted at her in disbelief. Dr. Ziegler raised an eyebrow in response.

“Doing the math, it is physically possible. Your new blades will be strong enough to keep up with your cyborg body.”

Genji felt a twinge at the word ‘cyborg’. So he wasn’t really human anymore. Dr. Ziegler moved on, apparently not bothered.

“This was the hardest to work out, but it may end up being the most rewarding. You’ll be able to double jump.”

“That’s not funny. I’m not a video game character.”

“It’s not a joke! You have cyber agility now. It’s not a simple feat, and don’t get me started on the math involved, but you will surprise even yourself with what you’ll be able to do once you get used to your body. You will very much be able to jump in the air, as far-fetched as that may sound.

“For convenience, you’ll also be able to carry your weapons on your person easily. The shuriken store in your forearm with the simple reloading mechanism I just showed you, and you will be able to connect the sheaths for your blades to your back.”

“I see,” Genji said quietly.

“And here, your mask, if you don’t mind that I help you attach it.”

Genji grunted. Dr. Ziegler removed a matte black case from a drawer. She attached a metal mask fitting snugly over the lower half of his face and a metal headpiece over his forehead.

“You don’t have to wear these all the time, but they will function a bit like armor. The lower mask will protect from gas attacks and the like.”

Dr. Ziegler looked like she had more to say, but there was a knock at the door. She turned and Genji looked up, swiping the holo-mirror panel away to see a different person than the man - Captain Reyes - from yesterday. Tall, lithe, with long fingers. Red hair. A suit similar to Dr. Ziegler’s, though this doctor wasn’t wearing a lab coat on top, and this suit was accented with black and red. Most strikingly of all, if Genji wasn’t mistaken, different-coloured eyes.

“Dr. O’Deorain,” Dr. Ziegler said, sounding... colder?

Dr. O’Deorain smiled. While Dr. Ziegler’s smile was sweet but threatening, Dr. O’Deorain’s smile looked entirely uncaring. She had more things on her mind than niceties, it seemed.

Without greeting Dr. Ziegler, Dr. O’Deorain strode over, eyes on Genji.

“So you’re Angela’s little  _ pet _ ,” Dr. O’Deorain said, voice smooth and also accented. “I’ve heard a lot of promising things about you.”

“Moira,” Dr. Ziegler said through gritted teeth.

“Who are you?” Genji asked tersely.

Dr. O’Deorain  _ tsk _ ed.

“You haven’t told him?” she asked Dr. Ziegler, whose polite expression had dropped from her face.

Genji wasn’t sure, but Dr. Ziegler looked annoyed now. A part of him wondered why, but he supposed not all doctors had to get along.

“It is nice to meet you, Genji Shimada,” Dr. O’Deorain said. “My name is Moira O’Deorain. We will be working in the same division. I look forward to it.”

Genji didn’t want to shake her hand, so he was grateful when she didn’t extend it.

“What division?” he asked.

“Well, you know about Overwatch, yes?” Dr. O’Deorain asked, raising an eyebrow. There was distaste in her voice, which was confusing, seeing as she was an employee too.

“Yes,” Genji replied.

The organization had helped to end the Omnic Crisis and ushered in a new era of world peace. They were wonderful, the paragon of goodness, etcetera. They had their hand in various global affairs. To his clan, that meant he wasn’t supposed to like them, much less join them. That didn’t matter to him now.

“Have you heard of Blackwatch?”

Genji’s eyes narrowed. His expression became closed off, which was much easier with a mask over his face.

“No,” he said.

“Good. You’re not supposed to know,” Dr. O’Deorain said. “Blackwatch is the covert operations division of Overwatch, working from the shadows. Dabbling in things that people might not be so happy to hear about.”

“And those are the people I am to work with?”

Dr. O’Deorain pointed at the middle of Genji’s chest. Genji pulled the holo-mirror back over to see what she was pointing at. A skull symbol.

“That’s the Blackwatch logo. The skull bit, at least. Dr. Ziegler might have been the one to rebuild you, but you’re with us now.”

Dr. Ziegler soured at the mention of her name, and Genji could only wonder what had happened between these two for her to look so irritated.

“After regular training, you’ll be able to fight in no time.”

Dr. O’Deorain’s smile curved a little further along her mouth.

“You’ll show them what fear truly means.”

Genji felt a shiver go down his spine. He never balked at having to face assassins and soldiers, but there was something about these doctors that made him deeply uncomfortable. He didn’t like their stares, making his skin prickle. He didn’t appreciate the way they talked to him, the way they made him feel like an object, a robot, something to be fixed and observed and calculated.

“It’s been nice talking to you. I’ll see you around the base. Do not hesitate to contact me.”

Dr. O’Deorain gave a wave before departing. When she was out of the room, Dr. Ziegler relaxed, exhaling. Genji was tempted to ask if she hated the other doctor, but he realized he didn’t care and didn’t want to get involved. Before he could decide if he did have any other questions he wished to ask, Dr. Ziegler plastered another one of those fake smiles on her face and spoke up:

“You should see the base, Genji,” she said, words terse.

Genji kicked at the air experimentally.

“I do not think I can walk.”

“Ah,” Dr. Ziegler said, frowning. “I suppose that would make things more difficult.”

She tapped at her holographic panel and spoke quickly in a language Genji didn’t understand. Maybe German, or French, or Spanish.

“Unfortunately, I have other engagements to tend to. Being a doctor is busy, busy work. I sent for someone else to give you a tour.”

Genji rolled his eyes, about to tell her that he really didn’t care about getting a look around the base when there was another new person at the door. Tan skin, dark hair, black outfit. He wanted to be back in the foggy nothingness and sleep, he didn’t care about this shit.

“Hey, Dr. Ziegler.”

Did everyone in this place have a damn accent?

“Good afternoon, Jesse.”

“Aw c’mon, Angela, you’re supposed to call me ‘Agent McCree’, not my name. How’s anyone gonna take me seriously at this rate?”

Dr. Ziegler smiled, but she didn’t bother correcting herself.

“I’ll call you Agent McCree when you call me Dr. Ziegler.”

“Nah, that’s too stuffy.”

“Hand me your ID card.”

Jesse unclipped the card from the lanyard around his neck and handed it over. Dr. Ziegler jotted down a quick note on her own card before transferring it over to Jesse’s. She handed the card back.

“In case anyone asks.”

“Oh yeah, better think ahead before Jack thinks I’m trying to pull something again, huh?”

“Indeed. Ah, where are my manners? Let me introduce you.”

Dr. Ziegler turned back to Genji, still looking disinterested.

“Genji, this is Jesse McCree. He’s a Blackwatch agent like you will be. Jesse, this is Genji Shimada.”

Jesse tipped his cowboy hat and Genji tried not to snort at the fact that this man was wearing a cowboy hat. Was it a part of his combat outfit or was he wearing a disguise? He was attractive, but Genji could not care less about that right now. 

“Nice to meet you, Genji. I brought you a wheelchair.”

“No wheels,” Dr. Ziegler pointed out, tapping at her holo panel again.

Jesse rolled his eyes. Genji heard a faint  _ click _ and could feel the cables on his body being disconnected from whatever he’d been hooked up to before.

“Hoverchair, whatever. Don’t tell me off for usin’ archaic words.”

“I’ll stop bothering you about your various anachronisms. Ping me when you’re back. See you later!”

Genji watched Dr. Ziegler leave, mildly concerned that the only person he actually knew in this building was ditching him. He didn’t trust Dr. Ziegler, but she was the only beacon of familiarity to him right now.

“Let’s take a look around. Lots to see in the base.”

Genji nodded stiffly.

“Need help gettin’ in?” Jesse asked.

Genji shook his head, so Jesse held the chair as Genji crawled into it, shaking with the effort it took to move his body from one platform to another. He managed, but his body wasn’t too happy with it.

“Alright, you comfortable?”

Genji nodded. He was in mild pain, but at least he was firmly seated.

“Then lemme show you around the place.”

Jesse steered the chair with a hand loosely gripping the handle attached to its back.

“So, not a talker? That’s fine. Maybe what matters is that you’re gettin’ some fresh air instead of being cooped up in Angie’s lab. Gotta admit, I don’t like that room much. Gives me the shivers.”

Jesse gestured in front of them.

“This here’s the medical wing. It’s about what you’d expect. And before you ask, yes, it always smells like disinfectant. Or maybe you’ve gotten used to that.”

Genji had not gotten used to that. The tank and its fluid didn’t smell like anything at all, being completely odorless, so it was jarring to be smelling everything now. Worse than that was the noise coming from every room and the bright lights above. Genji was glad when they left the wing.

“Over here’s the mess hall. Seems like there’s always at least one person in there, eatin’ or even just trying to get some work done between busy periods. Not sure if you’ve used somethin’ like this before, but you can order your meal with the table’s touchpad or connect your ID card to the table and order from there. There’s a menu and usually it ain’t too bad.”

Genji never had any need for such a feature in his home. They’d had servants. He recalled similar menus from restaurants in the city, though. Why did this matter? Did Jesse assume he wouldn’t be able to figure out a menu?

“This is the library, but they usually call it the archives. I know, I know. It’s so weird to be keepin’ all this  _ paper _ stuff, especially in a military base, when you can just have it all stored on a cloud, right? But you never know.”

The Shimada estate had contained plenty of books. Genji had no issues with them. And he understood, at least, the risk that electronics carried. The possibility of sensitive information being hacked into was unpleasant to think about. Genji thought about all the horrid things in his Internet history and was instantly hit with an odd jolt of gratefulness at Hanzo almost murdering him if it meant he would never discover Genji's explicit search queries.

“These are the bunks. You’ll have your own with the rest of us Blackwatch agents. Rooms aren’t fancy, but y’know, it is nice to have a place for yourself. You get your own bed and drawers and desk, and you don’t even have to share! Ain’t that grand? You can put up posters and the like to personalize the space, then it’ll really feel like home.”

If there was anything Genji was desperate for, it was privacy.

“This is the gym. It’s not a gym, really, but nobody calls it the training facility. That’s just a mouthful. You can come in here and get target practice done, lift weights, run laps. Whatever you want. And over there’s the evaluation zone.”

Genji certainly wanted the strength back in his muscles. He immediately noticed the Middle Eastern woman with the rifle. It seemed she was there for target practice.

“That’s Ana, or Captain Amari. She’s more outgoing than Jack, and she’s the best sniper in the world. Pretty impressive. You might get the chance to acquaint yourself with her later, seein’ as she gives me plenty of pointers on shooting.”

Genji nodded. He could always acknowledge and appreciate skill.

“This is the rec room. Best place to be in the base! If you can’t find anyone to join you in pool or air hockey or Counter-Strike, you can always play with AI. You’d be surprised how hard it is to beat ‘em.”

Genji had no interest in pool or air hockey or Counter-Strike, but he wasn’t above sinking into a bean bag chair to ignore his problems for a few hours. There were a few bean bags in the corner, beside the shelf of board and card games.

“Here’re the showers. Not sure how that’ll work for you, but don’t worry. I’m sure Angela made you waterproof,” Jesse said with a chuckle.

Genji did not laugh at the joke.

“What’re you doing out here?”

Familiar voice.

“Hey, boss. Angela told me to show Genji around the base.”

Captain Reyes had a towel around his waist. He gave Jesse a look.

“She asked you to show him the showers?”

“What? No, c’mon, I’m giving him the  _ full tour _ . That includes the showers. He’s gotta know where everything is, right?”

“Yeah, I guess,” Reyes said, bemused.

“Anyway, Genji, this is Gabriel. He’s our Captain.”

“We’ve technically already met. And it’s Captain Reyes, Jesse.”

“Not until you call me Agent McCree.”

Reyes gave a noncommittal shrug.

Genji looked over Reyes’ glistening torso and gave a begrudging nod of approval. Jesse caught the gesture and tried not to grin.

“I’ll be right back, let me get dressed. Stay here.”

“Sure, boss.”

“What d’you think of him?” Jesse asked after Reyes was gone. “I think a bunch of people are kinda intimidated by him, but he’s the kinda person who commands respect. I mean, not like he forces you to, he ain’t strict like that. He’s just a leader type.”

Genji wasn’t convinced. If Reyes couldn’t speak up to Dr. Ziegler, then how much of a leader was he? Enough to be a Captain, apparently.

“Sorry for the wait,” Reyes said, reappearing fully dressed. “Let’s head over to our section. I’ve got something to show you.”

He nodded at Genji, and led the way. Jesse shrugged and steered Genji’s chair after him.

“We get some of our own rooms and equipment, being a division separate from Overwatch. Moira’s lab is down here, and you’ll meet her later if you haven’t already. Your room will be upstairs, but you’re always welcome to visit the Blackwatch wing.”

“Yeah, we have the best couches,” Jesse added.

Reyes gestured to the couches.

“These are the best couches in the base, and we have them. You can take a look around here later. Come on.”

“Ooh, you get to see the boss’ office on the first day. Exciting,” Jesse said as Reyes unlocked his office with a fingerprint scan.

Reyes headed over to his desk and rummaged around underneath it before pulling out a black case. It looked just like the one Dr. Ziegler had retrieved earlier containing Genji’s facial armor, except this case was much longer. He could see in better in the lighting here. Matte black. On the front was the same skull symbol that Genji had on his chest, Reyes on his hoodie’s shoulder, Moira on her suit’s shoulder. The Blackwatch logo.

Reyes unlatched the case. Jesse whistled. Within the case’s black lining sat a katana and a matching wakizashi, sheathed. Reyes removed the katana carefully and unsheathed it, then the wakizashi, to show Genji. They had an unusual look to them, far from the traditional blades that Genji and Hanzo had carried. Unsurprisingly, these were black and red.

“These were specially made for you,” Reyes said. “There is no doubt in my mind that you will be pleased with their performance. I’ve personally watched use of their prototypes, and they’ve done some scary things.”

He paused, watching Genji’s expression even though he could only see his eyes.

“You could cut through metal with these.”

Genji’s eyes widened with interest for a moment before he could compose himself. In his mind flashed the moment Hanzo had chipped his blade when he struck Genji’s.

“Among other things, of course. You’ll need to get your strength back up before you can use them. I can keep them safe for you until you’re assigned a room. Will that be alright?”

Genji nodded and Reyes nodded back, satisfied. He reached for the wakizashi, thinking about Dr. Ziegler’s comment about deflecting bullets. The weight of the blade was comforting, and he had to resist the urge to slice Reyes’ nice desk in half. He set it back down.

“Thank you, Captain Reyes,” he said.

“You talk?” Jesse asked before Reyes could reply.

“He doesn’t have to talk to us if he doesn’t feel like it,” Reyes said. “Not yet, at least. You’ll have your shuriken when Angela - sorry, Dr. Ziegler - decides you aren’t a threat to yourself or anyone else by having them loaded. You might see some people carrying their guns around-”

“Like me,” Jesse interjected.

“-Like Jesse, but there aren’t rules for swords and shuriken. It won’t be an issue if you don’t make it an issue. By that, I mean as long as you’re not launching them into people’s faces, we won’t have any trouble.”

Genji nodded.

“Don’t mean to chew you out before anything happens. I’m sure it’ll be fine when you learn to use... everything.”

Reyes was stepping over the fact that Genji was a living weapon and Genji supposed that was what it meant to be tactful. He flicked his wrist, watching his forearm panel shift as the reloading mechanism moved without loading anything.

“The shuriken fold, so you’ll be able to carry a lot of them. That should be it. Of course, it’s not too late to learn how to use a gun.”

Genji wasn’t sure why, but that was outrageously funny to him. He couldn’t help the shake of his shoulders that turned into a genuine laugh. Learning to use a gun? What a ridiculous notion. He’d strayed so far from home, from expectations, and here he was, ready and even eager to have a sword in his hands again. He was 25 years old. He didn’t care to sharpen his shooting skills. He knew the basics of using a gun, but that was the last thing on his mind right now.

His laughter faded into the air as he wore himself out.

“You should head back to the lab now,” Reyes said, sounding serious but not hiding the smile on his face.

Jesse looked surprised to hear Genji laugh, but he didn’t question the implied dismissal.

“ID,” Reyes said, extending a hand to Jesse.

Jesse handed him his ID. Reyes transferred a note to it from his own card, and handed it back. Jesse raised an eyebrow, but he wasn’t given an explanation, so he clipped the ID back to his lanyard.

“Alright, get out of here. I have paperwork to do.”

“Yes, sir,” he said, turning Genji’s chair and heading out.

He pinged Dr. Ziegler and she said that she’d be at the lab soon. Genji was ready for a long nap, unsure of when exhaustion had flooded into him. This was the longest he’d been awake in a while. He was nodding off by the time Jesse brought him back to the lab. Dr. Ziegler was there, looking more tired than earlier.

“Thank you for showing him around, Jesse.”

“Er, if you don’t mind my askin’... Are you putting him back in that tank?”

Dr. Ziegler turned to look at the tank as if the thought hadn’t occurred to her.

“No, I don’t believe any further adjustments would require it. I think he’s stable enough to sleep outside now.”

“Alright. I don’t think I’d want to be around for that, ‘s all.”

“Mm. It’s not pretty. He can sleep on the cot. Genji, are you awake?”

Genji didn’t have nearly enough energy to reply.

“Get his legs,” Dr. Ziegler ordered.

Jesse helped her lift Genji onto the cot. Dr. Ziegler fetched a pillow and blanket from the drawers and tucked Genji in.

“Thank you for taking the time. You may go now.”

“No trouble at all, Angela. Anything to make it easy for him to get settled in,” Jesse said, tipping his hat before leaving.

Dr. Ziegler watched Genji’s peaceful breathing for a moment before pulling up a holo panel to check his vitals. She gave a sigh of relief. Everything was alright. Everything would be fine. She removed his facial armor and put it back into the case.

Her lanyard pinged, and she checked to see another request for her presence. She replied that she would be right there, and noticed something else. A reply to the note she’d transferred to Jesse’s card.

_ Agent McCree will be showing Agent Shimada around the base. Please excuse them. _

It was from Captain Reyes.

_ There are tools to use other than pain. _


	3. immune

 

_ “[Hey, hey! Watch this, brother!]” _

_ “[I’m watching.]” _

_ “[I told you, I got so much better at throwing shuriken. Watch right now!]” _

_ “[...You missed all of them.]” _

_ “[So mean! You don’t know what I was aiming for!]” _

_ “[Not the centre of the target?]” _

_ “[Let me try the bow.]” _

_ “[Use your own.]” _

_ “[Fine. Here, watch this! Watch! Oh, shit.]” _

_ “[Maybe you should stick with the shuriken for now.]” _

_ “[I’ll get better at it, right?]” _

_ “[Of course, Genji.]” _

Genji woke with a start, sweating, his eyes burning. He reached out with his flesh hand and touched the corner of his eye. Tears. His chest hurt. Summertime target practice with Hanzo. The pink petals everywhere, fluttering about year-round. The cold metal shuriken, the weight of his bow, the sweetness of the ice cream they ate almost every day.

His body and his heart hurt.

There was a faint beeping noise. He looked around. He was lying on a cot, the tank to his right. It was strange to wake from sleep and not feel the familiar haze and pulse of numbness he’d gotten so used to inside the tank. It had been a while since he’d had a real dream, one that wasn’t an amalgamate nightmare of blood and blade. Though it was less of a dream, and simply a memory. 

Where the hell was that beeping coming from?

Genji sat up, a movement that caused his body to protest. He ignored the discomfort, scanning the room. There was nothing on the cot but himself, the blanket, and the pillow. The tank was empty without him. A few black and red cables hung above, the ones he’d been attached to. There were scattered papers, notes, books, and writing tools on one of the counters. There was a bunch of machinery that Genji assumed was used for medical purposes, and some more familiar objects like gauze, packages of needles...

A card was lit up and beeping. With great difficulty, Genji got to his feet. He felt more steady than yesterday, but his body was still uncomfortable. He managed the few shaky steps he needed before he could reach towards the counter and pick up the card.

His name was on it:  _ Agent Genji Shimada _ . In the top left corner was the Blackwatch logo. The top right corner had the time. It was only 6:28 in the morning. Clearly visible on the screen was what must’ve been a notification for him.

**MERCY (06:25):** Good morning, Genji! If you’re reading this message, that means you’ve successfully located your identification tag. You won’t need a lanyard; there’s a slot in your forearm that you can slide the card into when you’re not using it. 

**MERCY (06:26):** If you need to open that compartment without reloading, make the same motion, but hold your hand closed in a fist. The compartment should stay open. When you want to close it, do a quick twist with your forearm.

Genji experimented and managed to get the compartment open. There was indeed a slot for the ID card, one he hadn’t noticed yesterday. That was convenient.

**MERCY (06:26):** The ID card functions first and foremost as your personal identification. It can also be used as a key for various rooms and storage devices in the base that may be locked. You can also use it for simple things like checking the time/date, a flashlight, and so on. Finally, you can use it to send messages to other agents and to receive messages. Reyes might send Blackwatch announcements or summons to your ID card.

**MERCY (06:27):** It’s a bit like a simple cellphone. Treat it well. Losing or damaging it is a sure way of getting the tech division mad at you. It’s waterproof and won’t break unless you throw it against the wall (please don’t do that), so don’t worry too much about it. Your forearm compartment will keep it safe.

**MERCY (06:27):** Please try not to lose it. You don’t have to listen to every little thing I ask of you, but I am requesting that you do not lose it.

Not one to listen for any reason, Genji threw the card at the tank. He missed the top, and realized he never even checked if the tank was covered by a lid or not. Either way, the card smacked against the tank before hitting the floor with a loud  _ clack _ .

Genji crawled back into the cot and pulled the blanket over himself, not wanting to leave the mild comfort he’d managed to wring from sleep. The second he shut his eyes, the door was unlocked and Dr. Ziegler walked in, wearing a sweater and pants instead of the winged white suit from yesterday. But she was carrying her staff and a pistol that she tucked back into its holster.

“Good grief,” she said, sounding very much exasperated. “I asked you to treat it nicely.”

Genji’s eyes opened. He glared at the ceiling.

Dr. Ziegler strode over and picked up the ID card from the floor. It was intact, not having been damaged at all. She placed it back down on the counter where Genji had retrieved it from.

“If you are going to be a petulant brat, there are more forceful ways to get you to behave,” she said under her breath.

She was speaking very quietly, but Genji could hear her nonetheless.

“I am not going to take my time requesting your proper behaviour. I’ve fulfilled my end of our deal, Genji.” Dr. Ziegler faced him, pointing the staff at him. “You have  _ life _ ,” she snarled.

The staff’s head opened, and a yellow beam connected from its end to Genji. He immediately felt the pain in his body leave him, and even the soreness was gone. He’d only felt this beam once before.

“And thanks to what I hope was not misguided generosity, you are also stronger than you ever could have dreamt of,” Dr. Ziegler said.

There was a faint  _ click _ , and the beam turned from a warm yellow glow to a bright blue. Energy surged into Genji. He recognized it as power. There was no other way to describe it. He knew what power felt like, knew how it gripped his fibres and sinews. The first time he’d summoned that spirit dragon, roaring and coiling and green like springtime, he’d tasted true power. This feeling was painfully similar, bordering on addicting.

Dr. Ziegler switched the staff off. Genji didn’t know when he'd started, but he was staring at her. He blinked hard, looking away. Dr. Ziegler had dark circles under her eyes. On her face were faint scars that Genji hadn’t noticed before; perhaps she’d concealed them. This was the person under the halo and the sparkling gold angel wings that Genji had found to be such a mockery. Dr. Ziegler glared at him, a hard look in her eyes, and Genji knew immediately that whatever shit he was trying to pull wouldn’t fly.

He did not have to like these people, and he certainly wasn’t intending to befriend any of them, but... he could learn to respect someone like Dr. Ziegler. He could only wonder what it felt like on her end, having spent gods knew how long trying to save a man’s life only to be slapped with the childish behaviour Genji had just showed her.

No, he didn’t have to like her. He wasn’t sure if he appreciated being alive now, but it was too late to go back on his deal. He’d made a promise. If anything, he could see it through. That much would suffice for the time being.  Genji sat up. He didn’t have anything to say, which was unusual to him; he’d always been so talkative. Now he could grasp the impact of not speaking. He trained Dr. Ziegler with his best attentive look, and it seemed she took it well, relaxing a bit.

“You have a light schedule for today. It’s a early, but you’re already up, so you should get breakfast whenever you are ready to do so. I trust you to walk around today, just be mindful of your body’s limits. If you do anything stupid, I  _ will _ know. I’m still monitoring your vitals.”

Genji nodded. He wasn’t in the habit of enjoying soreness and pain, though that had subsided thanks to Dr. Ziegler’s healing staff.

“You might be able to manage some light exercise. At the very least, do some stretching. You are free to spend the rest of the day as you wish. It would be of benefit to learn your way around the base, though there’s a map on your ID card if you get lost. You might also want to take the time to visit Captain Reyes’ office. He’ll be able to tell you more about Blackwatch and what you need to do.”

Genji used the map on the card to find the cafeteria. He hadn’t been paying much attention to directions when Jesse was wheeling his hoverchair around. Though he still felt a little stiff, overall it wasn’t so hard to move today. He hoped it would get easier.

There weren’t too many people in the cafeteria. A few small groups, a few pairs, a few individuals. Genji took a seat alone, not wanting to invite any conversation. Though he was sitting away from everyone else, he felt oddly vulnerable without the facial armor to mask his expression. Of course he’d have to take it off to eat, but that didn’t mean he liked it.

He looked through the menu and ordered something simple. Dr. Ziegler hadn’t said anything about how eating would be like, but maybe that wouldn’t be a big deal. Maybe eating would be the same, except some of his face was not made of bone or flesh.

The panel from the wall opened and presented to him his tanindon and utensils on a tray. He also got water, not trusting his ability to consume anything.

“[Thank you for the meal,]” Genji mumbled, trying not to think of home and the deluge of mixed feelings home brought him.

He brought the cup to his mouth and gave an experimental sip. Nothing out of the ordinary. He tried his food. It tasted fine, and even though the different feeling of his teeth in his mouth threw him off a little, he managed to get through most of the bowl before he bit his lip and was greeted with a prick of pain.  He brought his hand up, patting his napkin against his mouth. It came back red. Why did that hurt so much? Maybe some parts of his body were more sensitive to pain? More susceptible to injury? That didn’t make sense. He prodded at his teeth gingerly with his tongue. His tongue grazed against a sharp point.

No, no, no, that was not good.

He pulled his ID card out of his arm compartment and looked through it for a camera application to use as a mirror. Before he could find it, someone took a seat in front of him. He’d gotten too caught up to notice their approach.

“So did Angela give you those or did you ask for them?”

“Good morning, Captain Reyes,” Genji said, forcing himself to be polite and setting his card down.

“Too damn early to be up, but don’t let me sour your enjoyment of the sunrise. Were you busy?”

Genji shook his head, frowning. He didn’t want to talk about how he felt so horribly  _ different _ from what he used to be. He was a different person. Inhuman.

“The teeth are different,” he said. “I was not aware that I had been given fangs.”

Reyes gave a smile a little too crooked for Genji to take as fully genuine and sweet. He tapped at the menu without looking down.

“You’ll have to learn not to bite yourself all the time. I think they look good, though.”

Genji was quiet for a moment before replying, “Thank you.”

He realized the pain was gone and even the bleeding was slowing. If he wasn’t too aggressive with eating, that would make it easier to avoid self-injury.

Reyes ate his breakfast, a variety of chicken pot pie. Genji finished his own food without biting himself again, and found that the sharper teeth went right through the meat. They were still strange, but if he was careful, he could shred the meat more easily  _ and _ not cut himself. He poured all of his concentration into relearning how to eat and forgot to talk to Reyes. Genji ordered dessert, seeing no harm in giving himself a treat, and looked up.

Reyes’ attention was on his phone. His brow was furrowed. He was handsome. Genji supposed he had a lot of important issues to worry about, being a Captain. Reyes noticed Genji looking at him.

“What, this? Don’t worry about it. There’s always some crisis or another happening in the world, you know.”

“Yes,” Genji said, because that much he could understand.

“That’s what Overwatch does. Make the crises stop happening.”

“Is that what Blackwatch does?” Genji asked, poking at his coffee cake.

“Not quite.”

Genji gave a dismissive eye roll.

“What’s the point, if we are not constantly working towards world peace?”

Reyes laughed.

“You’ll fit right in, don’t worry.”

“I was not worried about fitting in,” Genji muttered.

“Really?” Reyes asked, looking up from the worldwide crises displayed on his phone. “It must be hard coming to a new place like this. You don’t know anyone, unless you count your doctor. You’ve been displaced for months. You almost died, and now your humanity is vestigial. Isn’t it?”

Genji shuddered, angry.

“Don’t say that,” he snapped. “Is that what you’re trying to teach me? Would I be more useful to you as an emotionless automaton?”

“I suppose that’s something we’re going to have to find out. And it’s not like it would hurt you to try and make friends.”

“I have no desire to talk to anyone here.”

“Maybe not now, but it’s only human to get lonely.”

Genji snorted, glaring down at his prosthetic arm. He made eye contact with Reyes, who was far from intimidated by the red pupils.

“ _ You _ are only human,” he said coldly, the snarl tugging at his mouth to show off his shiny new fangs.

Genji slid the tray to the wall panel. They collided loudly. His eyes were literally glowing with rage. A hot fury that came from deep inside of him crawled into his throat.

“I have become more.”

He stormed out of the cafeteria, sick of talking.

 

Genji was hugging his knees in the corner of a dark room, shaking all over. There were tears running down his cheeks and he told himself to calm down. Calm down. Deep breaths. He breathed - once, twice, three times.

He wasn’t sure where he was. He hadn’t been paying attention to where he was going when he strode down the hall, long purposeful steps carrying him away. As if he could speedwalk away from his problems.

It was not Reyes he was mad at. A part of him felt bad for being so rude, especially to the man who was to be his commander, but a larger part of him was too overwhelmed to care.

The floor was cold beneath him, and the wall was cold behind him. Smooth, hard, unyielding. He let his flesh hand sink to the floor, and he grounded himself with the feeling. He traced small circles against the cool surface.

He looked up, and realized he could see in the dark. This must’ve been why even seeing felt different. He didn’t dwell on the sensations; it was uncomfortable to think about modifications to his eyes. Momentarily distracted by his strange new ability, he looked around the room. There were some boxes and some books. Nothing interesting. Just storage, then. He noticed that he was able to read the titles of the books across the room.

He shut his eyes and reopened them, but his night vision was still intact. He wasn’t sure how to shut it off, if that was even possible. Fine. He’d keep his eyes closed.

Back in the comfort of darkness, he thought about the same scene that plagued him every single idle moment: the clash of blades and the spilling of his blood. Genji sobbed. He didn’t remember every detail of Dr. Ziegler making her deal with him, their contract bound in copious amounts of blood. He didn’t remember every detail of his fight with Hanzo.

Even then, something bothered him.

He  _ did _ remember Hanzo having held his limp and bleeding body. He remembered Hanzo had said something. He hadn’t heard what Hanzo had said. Those were the last words Hanzo had said to him, and Genji found it immensely frustrating that all he could hold onto was uncertainty. Everything was uncertain. No, maybe not so. He formed a fist with his prosthetic hand, and put his facial armor back on.

He still had one thing that nobody else would dare take from him now.

Vengeance.

 

There was a girl running laps in the gym. The track was otherwise empty, so Genji entered to stretch. He’d considered briefly apologizing to Reyes, but he chose not to. He stretched.

“Hey! New recruit?” the girl called, slowing her jog down to approach him.

Genji cursed inwardly. The last thing he wanted to do now was chat.

“The name’s Lena Oxton, call sign Tracer. You must be Genji. I’ve heard a lot about you from Angela!”

Genji didn’t reply, but he clearly didn’t need to for Lena to continue talking.

“Must be odd for me to know about you before we’ve even met. I’ve looked forward to it. Er... Angela tells me you don’t talk much. That’s alright, I hope I’m not bothering you.”

Genji did not tell Lena that she was bothering him, seeing as she’d been here first anyway.

“Since you’re getting back into the swing of things, maybe we can jog together. I’m guessing that’s why you came here.”

Genji stood, and looked at her without saying anything. He wondered if she could read his expression just by looking at his eyes. He also wondered if he could jog with a mask over his face. It hadn’t gotten in the way of his breathing yet.

“I won’t talk any more, promise. Just good to have someone else on the field so you can keep an eye on each other and make sure the other person doesn’t collapse. Not to underestimate you! I’ve run myself to the point of exhaustion before, love,” Lena said, sounding sheepish.

Without saying anything else, she set off on the track and Genji followed behind her. Immediately, he could tell that jogging would be harder for him than walking. He’d underestimated the benefit of daily exercise, because even a light jog was difficult for him. He wasn’t growing tired, but the overall sensation was a lot to take in. Ironically, there was a spring in his step from the cyber augmentation. He could  _ feel _ the latent power in his body just waiting to be used.

It was a full lap before he settled into an awkward but serviceable rhythm. Relearning how to walk had been child’s play compared to this. Sometimes his steps didn’t go where he wanted them to. His limbs didn’t move in the perfect sync he was aiming for, but the movements got easier and smoother. Slowly but surely, he made progress.

He managed five laps before slowing, panting underneath his mask and pouring all of his effort into not collapsing. Lena slowed down to grab two bottles of water. She handed one to Genji and he took it, grateful. He yanked his mask off and drank, not stopping until the bottle was empty.

“I’m in here just about everyday if you ever want to chat. A quick run is good for the spirit, I think,” Lena said, giving Genji a friendly smile before continuing her laps.

Genji didn’t feel fantastic, his physical form being in less than optimal shape, but the exercise had helped his mood. It had cleared his thoughts. At least mentally complaining about the various feelings in his body and the state of his limbs was better than dwelling on his nightmares.

He wanted to be alone, but he didn’t want to be alone with his thoughts. 

The lab was empty. Dr. Ziegler was likely out tending to other patients, or working on whatever it was she did when she wasn’t trying to reconstruct a human being. Genji put his masks back into the case, and took a seat on his cot. The tank had been shut off at some point. It was no longer glowing and bubbling. The room was quiet and dark. He couldn’t stand the dark, seeing everything like a nocturnal beast. He got up to turn the lights on, and he felt some of his tension ease off of him.

Would Dr. Ziegler come back if he asked her to? He wanted to ask about his night vision, and the fangs, and if there was anything else she’d done to him. He wanted to know. He was tempted to leave her a message, but decided against bothering her when she was in the middle of her work day. She looked tired enough already, hands full with Genji. It would likely be easier to get her to talk if she was in a good mood.

There was a vibration inside of his arm panel, which felt extremely strange. Genji flicked his wrist, did the appropriate twisting motion, and fetched his ID card to see who had pinged him.

**MCCREE (08:48):** hey genji are you feeling any better today

**MCCREE (08:49):** we can hang out if youre not busy

**MCCREE (08:49):** i can introduce you to the other agents so angie isnt your only friend

Genji threw his ID card at the counter where his armor case was sitting. He didn’t watch it land before tucking himself into the cot.

Friends.

He didn’t need any friends.


	4. soul

Genji threw himself into his training at full force, oftentimes ignoring the soreness and pain in his body until Dr. Ziegler pinged him. It aggravated him to stop moving, but he wasn’t so restless that he was going to jeopardize his chances of improvement. Though his well of patience was shallow, he drew on it when he needed to.

He kept himself in action as much as possible. The repetition of motions was something he could get lost in. He forced himself to work hard, forcing his body into accepting its conflicting parts. Learning how and when to push his limits.

When he wasn’t training or eating, he tried to meditate. It was difficult at first; he found it hard to sit still. Being still meant being plagued with doubts and nightmarish thoughts. Memories he tried not to dwell on. Reminders of Hanzo’s blade sinking into his skin. Again and again, the roar of the dragons ringing in his ears. But the same way he forced himself to rise with the sun and strengthen himself, he forced himself to sit still.

Reyes approached him one day in the gym. He was there sometimes when Genji was, as Genji was training for most of his waking hours, but he left Genji to his own business.

“Genji,” he said.

Genji was stretching his legs. He looked up. Reyes was in his workout clothes, but even then he bore a leader’s demeanour. He was carrying a familiar case.

“I thought you might want this,” Reyes said as he handed it over.

Genji took the case.

“Come with me.”

Genji followed Reyes to the evaluation room. He’d seen other agents sparring with each other in here, or working against training dummies, but he’d yet to use the room himself. Reyes gestured to the training dummies.

“They self-reconstruct, unless you absolutely obliterate them. Better to test on them than on people, though.”

Genji opened the case, appreciating the blades. He liked that they were his own. If nothing else, it was oddly comforting to have something to call _his_ in his uncertain life. He also appreciated that they did not look like the swords his Clan had used and given him.

“Alright if I attach them for you? I picked up a thing or two from the weapons development team.”

Genji nodded. He turned around, entire body prickling with anticipation and wariness. He’d never liked having people at his back, especially not strangers. His back was a prime target for stabbings, and as a general rule, Genji preferred not to be stabbed.

He felt Reyes’ fingers brush against his hip and lower back as he attached the sheathed wakizashi. He shivered, not having been touched by anyone else for a while for purposes other than the medical. There was a sensation of adherence, which he supposed meant the sheath was in place. Reyes attached the katana to Genji’s back.

“That looks right. You should be able to run around and jump just fine. Take a whack at the dummies, I’m sure it’ll be cathartic.”

Genji dashed forward, unsheathed his wakizashi, and decapitated the nearest training dummy in a flash. He turned to the next, slicing it to pieces. In a handful of seconds, all three of the dummies were downed.

There was something very satisfying about cutting things apart with a blade. It felt good in his hands, balanced almost as perfectly as his last blade. He wasn’t even tired, which was a promising sign.

“Impressive,” Reyes said.

Genji looked at him, briefly wondering if he was being sarcastic. One look at his face and he could tell that the compliment was genuine. At least someone appreciated his work.

“Are you going to try out the katana?”

Genji frowned under his mask. He didn’t want to use the katana, though he knew it was unavoidable at this point. The thought of the blade and his fight with Hanzo made his spirit dragon agitated. Still, he wanted to see what he could do. There was no use getting this far if he wasn’t going to challenge himself.

He waited for the dummies to reconstruct themselves, and took a deep breath. He’d always made a show of unsheathing his katana, oftentimes managing to get an eye roll or glare of disapproval from Hanzo, but he didn’t bother with that now.

_“[Controlling dragons? I don’t believe it, that sounds like something out of a story. We are only human, and dragons are so powerful.]”_

_“[Don’t underestimate yourself. It’s not like that. I’m sure you know it already. Only a dragon can control another dragon.]”_

_“[What do you mean, brother?]”_

_“[We’re dragons too, Genji.]”_

Allowing fury to grip his heart, Genji drew his katana, vision going red. He felt nausea tug at the pit of his stomach and could hear an angry snarl in his head. The entire room shook with a powerful roar. Genji cut through all of the training dummies with a single slash. Tiredness surged through him and he fell to a knee, eyes wide.

He struggled to look around, catching a glimpse of his spirit dragon before it vanished. Before he could loose a plea for it to come back, he groaned and collapsed.

“Shit,” Reyes muttered, running over and picking him up. “Are you alright?”

Reyes’ concerned face was blurry. Genji could feel his heart racing. He lost his grip on the katana and it clattered to the floor. His head was spinning. Reyes’ hands felt more distant than they should’ve been. He was hit with a stab of desire. Genji felt like he was floating away.

“Genji? Answer me, Genji. I’ve never seen anything like that. I mean, the rumours...” Reyes shook his head. “Can you speak?”

“This reincarnation sucks,” Genji mumbled before passing out.

 

“He’s _fine_ , Gabriel. No overheating. I even had his cooling system upgraded three days ago, and I’ve seen improvement from that alone. He had his last tuneup two days ago. I assure you I’m keeping a close eye on him.”

“Then why would he faint like that?”

“I don’t know, but I know for certain it was not from a physical problem with his body. His modifications are in excellent shape, even through all of the unnecessary work he puts himself through.”

“There has to be an explanation.”

“Well he’s not ill, if that’s what you’re worried about. I think it was mental.” A pause. “Or even emotional.”

“What, the PTSD?”

“Perhaps. You said he summoned a dragon, yes? If that’s an ability of his, perhaps it is not one he has mastered. Perhaps what he was been through or the alterations to his body have also changed his ability to... summon this dragon.”

“You sound like you don’t believe me. I know what I saw.”

“It’s all very fantastical.”

“I know about the things you’ve done. You have no right to judge.”

“Oh, come on, Gabriel. What I do is medical science! It makes perfect sense. Semi-corporeal glowing dragons don’t.”

“You must’ve heard the rumours.”

“The legends and the stories? Yes, I familiarized myself with Genji and the Shimada Clan months ago. I had plenty of spare time while I was trying to keep him alive.”

“So you don’t believe them.”

“I prefer to believe in what can be proved. Prove it to me and I will not doubt you on the matter again.”

“You make it sound so simple. This isn’t about you, and this isn’t about me. This isn’t about what we believe.”

“I suppose you’re right there. I’m going to bed. Don’t stay up.”

Footsteps leaving. The sound of the door closing. Footsteps approaching.

“I’m sorry, Genji. I’m not sure what happened, but I hope you feel better soon. You’ve been through a lot, and you deserve to get some rest.”

A sigh.

“Maybe your next life will be kinder to you.”

 

Genji was fine after he woke up. His body wasn’t sore and his limbs felt fine, but his head hurt. He was still nauseous, and he didn’t understand why. He remembered the first time Hanzo had summoned the spirit dragons was during a ritual. He had two bound to his soul. Genji had been there, and even their close proximity had been terrifying and exhilarating.

Genji’s own dragon came with the same ritual, a couple of years after Hanzo’s, and he could feel his soul hum. There was a sense of harmony. And there was a rush of power.

After that day, he’d managed to summon it twice. Once by accident, when he was angry. Once in self-defence, when he desperate. He’d asked it for help during his fight against Hanzo, in a futile request for life. It never appeared.

Supposedly, it was difficult to call upon them during times of conflict, and there needed to be a level of balance in the soul. Genji didn’t understand that. If that was true, there was no way Hanzo, rife with internal conflict, would’ve been able to summon his spirit dragons.

He got up from the cot, not checking his ID card even though he knew there were new messages. He walked over to the counter to put on his facial armor, and he stared down at the other two cases. The katana and wakizashi were both inside the long case, sheathed neatly.

 _I wish you would just let me summon you at will_ , he thought to his spirit dragon.

He could feel its presence, but as usual, it didn’t give any response. After a few minutes, he managed to attach the blades to his back. The other case, he soon found out, contained shuriken. He loaded them into his arm individually.

Genji felt along the edge of a shuriken, satisfied with its weight and sharpness. When they were all loaded into his forearm, he studied them. Nicely lined up. Small but very deadly. Easier to confront than the katana.

He stretched his left arm out. It was scarred the way he knew Hanzo’s wasn’t. He wondered what it would look like, tattooed. How it would feel to channel through his arm instead of his back not one but two spirit dragons. Genji almost crushed the handle of the shuriken case.

He’d always made it look so easy. The way Hanzo summoned the dragons was effortless. And even now, Genji couldn’t manage the same. He was improving his fighting skills daily, yet he couldn’t manage this skill he was born to master.

He wondered if Hanzo had wanted, on any level, to kill him. If that was why the dragons had come to him that night.

Genji closed his eyes and saw the dragons again. They were beautiful. The only thing that terrified Genji more than the dragons was Hanzo himself. And then he feared himself and his own weakness, as he’d allowed Hanzo’s dragons to take his life.

He wondered if they’d spared him for a reason.

“Genji? You awake?”

The door opened.

“Heard you had a rough training experience yesterday. Some funny things happened, but that’s okay. Weird things happen all the time around here.”

Genji turned to see Jesse standing at the door.

“C’mon, time for breakfast. Doctor’s orders.”

When Genji and Jesse were seated and ordering from the menu, Genji expected Jesse to make small talk. To ask what Genji would order, or how his day was going, or talk about the weather. He did no such thing.

“You ever feel your arm? Phantom pain?”

Genji immediately wanted to get up and leave to avoid this conversation. He’d spent so much time _not_ thinking about how he felt, he certainly didn’t want to talk about it. It wasn’t as if Jesse understood; both of his arms were intact.

But Genji looked up from his food, and he could see the scars that Jesse bore. There were quite a few, and it seemed that some of them had been there for a long time.

“Sometimes,” Genji said.

“Must be weird bein’ a cyborg now. Real different.”

“It is.”

“You ever miss what it was like before?”

“Yes. But I would not go back to who I was before,” Genji said. He thought about how happy he used to be. “I was weaker then.”

“Everyone says you were a pretty damn good swordsman. I don’t know the first thing about usin’ a sword or shuriken, but if you’re sticking with ‘em now, they must be more impressive than our guns.”

“We shall see.”

Jesse finally picked up on Genji’s discomfort and changed the topic to the weather. Apparently it was nice out, if a bit chilly. Genji hadn’t noticed. He hadn’t been outside in a while, so he took Jesse’s word on the matter.

Reyes came in and sat with them to eat his meal. He talked to Jesse about his next mission, then they all talked about training. Genji didn’t say much. He didn’t like how Jesse and Reyes would ask him the occasional question, then they would both look at him expectantly. He was tired and wanted to be alone again, though they were clearly trying to include him and were being as welcoming as possible.

He finished his breakfast despite his lack of appetite. He realized that he hadn’t seen Dr. O’Deorain in a while, and wondered what she was doing. Maybe she got to wake up late, or she didn’t eat in the cafeteria. Multiple times, Dr. Ziegler had eaten her meals in her lab while Genji read a book and bounced English sentences off of her. Was it normal for the doctors to crave peace?

“What’s on your mind?” Jesse asked.

Genji realized he’d been staring at nothing.

“Dr. O’Deorain,” he replied.

“Oh. What about her?”

Genji wished he’d kept his mouth shut, because now he had to continue the conversation.

“I was wondering where she has been. She came to see me once, weeks ago, but I have not seen her since then.”

“Moira’s usually busy with her own work. She’s like Angie - don’t tell her I said that - ‘cause she gets really into it. Doesn’t like being bothered if she’s got stuff to puzzle out.”

“What does she do? She is in our division, isn’t she?”

“She’s Blackwatch like you and I, yeah.”

Jesse made a face.

“She... she leads the torture division.”

Genji squinted.

“She _what?_ ”

“Blackwatch, y’know, we do stuff that Overwatch wouldn’t. The kinda stuff people can only do in the dark, so to speak. Moira’s a doctor and she’s real smart, working out all these things about nano particles or biotic... whatever it is. She’s got a morbid fascination with things.”

“She tortures people for science?”

“Well, she tortures people for information. It just so happens that what she can learn from experimenting on people is a plus.”

“I see,” Genji said, thought he didn’t see how that made sense at all and his skin was crawling with fear.

“She’ll pop up again sooner or later. She always does before she retreats into her lab, then it’ll be hard to find her again.”

“I am not sure I want to see her now.”

Jesse chuckled.

“Yeah, she can be kinda scary in a way Angie usually isn’t.”

Genji did not like that Jesse said _“usually”_.

“I think Moira’s... a complicated person. Not a lot of people really get her or approve of what she does. She doesn’t care much about how people feel or anything like that, she cares about knowledge. And I mean, I guess I can respect that, I just think people oughta have boundaries. A moral code.”

Jesse looked away, the expression on his face more serious than Genji had seen thus far. His voice dipped low as he spoke again:

“She doesn’t.”

 

Genji ignored the incident with his dragon as he continued his training. He didn’t try to summon it again, nor did he need to. He did fine with the blades and shuriken alone.

His attempts to remain solitary became more and more useless as time went on. Both Jesse and Lena bothered him constantly, and it was impossible to avoid Dr. Ziegler even if he had his own room now.

He thought that his younger self would’ve been glad to have friends like his fellow agents, if he could accept them as friends. They made plenty of jokes and conversation. They were nice people, really. Even then, he couldn’t help not wanting to interact with anyone. He’d molded to a sense of familiarity with Dr. Ziegler, and he managed begrudging respect for Reyes and Amari. He avoided Morrison because he asked too many questions. Though Moira herself remained scarce, Genji helped her in the torture division a few times by accepting a few of her tasks sent to his ID card.

“They told me, ‘Yeah I really want to race you’, but I was _really_ tired by then. I ran from the start to finish line before they could even say ‘go’!”

Jesse and Lena laughed.

“That ain’t nice, Lena. You shouldn’t agree to race someone if you’re just going to cheat.”

“They wouldn’t stop bothering me about it! I just wanted lunch, can you really blame me?”

Genji poked at his chicken. Jesse and Lena always came to sit with him in the cafeteria even when he went out of his way to sit alone. He considered bringing his meals back to his room, but he didn’t want to make a mess in there. He’d never kept his side of the bedroom tidy when he lived in the Shimada Castle, but he didn’t have servants now. Even if there were cleaning robots, he found it easier to concentrate when there weren’t crumbs and empty snack packages scattered around the place.

“So what d’you think, Genji?”

Genji looked up. Jesse and Lena were used to him not talking, but to his annoyance, they’d also learned to read his facial expressions.

“The coolest weapons,” Lena said, politely explaining the context of Jesse’s question. “I think you’ve got a pretty good claim to that title, but Reyes’ shotguns are impressive, too.”

“It’s gotta be Ana’s rifle,” Jesse insisted.

“You already said that! Let’s get another opinion in the mix.”

“I agree. It would have to be Ana’s rifle,” Genji said.

Jesse shot Lena a smug grin, and she huffed. Genji felt his ID card being pinged and removed it to see a message from Reyes.

“Man, I almost wish I was a cyborg just so I could have a forearm slot for my ID card. This lanyard gets in the way,” Jesse sighed.

“If I may excuse myself,” Genji said, sliding his tray to the wall and getting up.

“Of course, love. Don’t keep anyone waiting! We’ll see you tomorrow, or later if you want to have dinner together,” Lena said.

She was smiling brightly and Genji wondered why she and Jesse were still trying to befriend him. He’d given them nothing. All of these months of making minimal conversation with them, even trying to get away from them, and they still wanted to be his friend. He left without another word.

Genji knocked at Reyes’ door.

“Come in.”

He entered to see Reyes at his desk. He still wasn’t used to the sight of Reyes with glasses on. Maybe they were for reading.

“Take a seat.”

“May I ask why you called me here?”

“It’s about a mission.”

Genji’s eyes narrowed.

“One you will allow me to join you on?”

“You’ve been on missions.”

“The assignments I have assisted with have been inconsequential. I would like to do something helpful, as I have been growing impatient.”

“Already getting tired of torturing people for information?”

Genji snorted.

“I believe there are better ways to get people to talk, but I cannot deny that torture is effective. It’s simply a fact that I can help with more than that.”

Reyes’ gaze bored into Genji. He was agitated by the sheer force of it on him. Reyes always looked analytical, as if he was trying to divulge every bit of information from a person or situation just by looking at it really hard.

“There’s a quote I have written down from a show that was popular a few years back:  _Count your blessings, and all ye who seek them shall be forgiven.’_ It was said jokingly, but I hadn’t expected it to be profound to me.”

Genji didn’t like to think about forgiveness.

“What does that have to do with me?” he asked.

Reyes put his hands together.

“What are you thankful for, Genji?”

Genji narrowed his eyes, a mix of suspicion and annoyance unfurling in his stomach. He tried to tamp it down.

“Why do you ask? Does this have to do with the American holiday?”

Reyes chuckled.

“No, that was months ago. I just think that’s an important question to keep in mind, to think about sometimes. If you’re ever lost, it helps to remind yourself what your values are. Why you keep fighting and living.”

Genji looked down, his dark lashes covering the sadness in his eyes.

“[Life is not about survival,]” he murmured.

“You’re right. It’s not.”

“I keep forgetting too many of you understand Japanese,” Genji muttered.

That got Reyes to smile.

“I think you’re ready for a mission. A real mission, as you seem to think of it. Something on the field. You’re strong and a good fighter, and I think it’d be good to test you.”

Genji glossed over the compliments as he replied, “It would be nice to get some fresh air.”

**Author's Note:**

> \\\ I wanted to write something that doesn't revolve around a romantic/sexual relationship because that gets old. There will be relationships in this fic later if I keep working on it, but the focus is on Genji because I think he's an interesting character with a lot of room for complexity and I have a good time exploring who he is and what he'd do in different situations. I've got a few chapters already written, so I'll have them up shortly.
> 
> To returning readers of my work: thank you so much for supporting me.


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